Hope

I've been here for a week. Jet lag is still a huge factor. I do good first thing in the morning. But about noon when my body's telling me it's 10pm, my eyes start to close and toothpicks come in handy.

It's been interesting so far. The shop is very cohesive and that's quite simply in a word- awesome. They hang out together, work out together, and have fun. It's such a relief. For those of you who know how much I disliked where I was at before (I refuse to give it a name) should have an idea of just how much a relief this is to me.

There's no smoking anywhere inside; except the bowling alley and you can only smoke in the slots room. That's ok, I'll go get a roll of quarters and relax.

Went to PT today. First time I'd done situps, pushups, or the elliptical in a loooonnnngggg time. I did 20 situps, 10 pushups, and 13 minutes on the elliptical. I broke a sweat and I'll up the numbers by 1 each time. We have to go 3x a week.

Maybe I'll get my ass back in shape before I leave.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

I'm starting to find myself again. Even I've noticed the changes in myself. I smile more, I laugh at jokes, hell I even joke around now. I didn't do that for so long I was afraid I'd forgotten how.

It feels good to be healing. It's not an easy process but I think this, I will succeed at.

I want to be healed. And only I can do that.

It's nice to wake up in the morning and not absolutely dread putting on the uniform. It's nice to wake up and start humming. It's nice to walk into the shop and see happy faces. It's nice to want to be there.

It's nice to see people who smile when you walk in. To hear "good morning!" with a lilt in their voice. To get a phone call saying "hey, we're going out, wanna go?" Nice to be included.

Nice to be finding myself again.

I was afraid it would never happen.

Now I have hope.

And Mama can say "I told you so" and I'll just smile!

Hope.

What a wonderful concept.