An awakening

I've always known I wanted to be a mama someday. But I never knew just how much until last week.

I was ecstatic at finding out I was pregnant. What most people don't know is that I wasn't too happy finding out I was having twins. It quickly became more of an overwhelming deal than a blessing. I didn't want to talk pregnancy, didn't want to look at baby stuff, was depressed, and just not happy. However as time went by I grew more and more excited about my boys.

On Monday my world turned upside down. When I looked down and saw that blood I just knew the worst had happened. I was so panicked I couldn't feel any movement and all I could see was bright red blood.

I cried the whole way to the doctor's office. It wasn't until I heard their separate heartbeats that I could catch my breath.

At that moment I came to realize just how much they have grown to mean to me. My Connor and my Brodie. My world would not be the same if I didn't have them with me, inside me, growing, wiggling, and loving them.

I guess you could say I had an epiphany. I realize how blessed I am every day. I know this won't be the only scare they'll give me over the next umpteen years, I just know that life wouldn't be right without them here now.

We spent a week in the hospital where I got to see them on an ultrasound (kicking each other) and hear their heartbeats several times a day. They would only tolerate the monitor for so long before they started kicking at it.

Our goal now is 32 weeks. Anything past that is that much more special.

I'm on full bedrest. No getting up other than potty and shower and doctor's appts.

So in a way, the last week was a blessing and a trial. We've made it through this trial, got a few more to go, and hopefully they'll stay put for a few more months.